finding my voice, losing my words

I found my voice on deck but lost it online. It wasn’t because I had nothing to say. It was because I had too much. For nearly a year, I struggled to explain why and now that I’ve circumnavigated the globe, I finally think I can.

The ocean isn’t quiet. It’s filled with flogging sails, grinding winches, crashing waves, shouted evolutions, laughter, and the constant soundtrack of life aboard.

The noise of the ocean amplified everything in my head. A million questions circled constantly: Why am I even here? Can I really stick this out for 11 months? How do we make the boat faster? Is my crew okay? How are we doing in comparison to the rest of the fleet? Is Jared okay alone on Salty Saguaro? Are those clouds getting closer? What am I going to do with my life post-race?

Each time I sat down thinking I would write, the overwhelm kicked in. Mentally and physically exhausted, I would start typing only to find myself not knowing where to even begin.

I found moments of mental clarity – moments when I felt completely in sync with the wind, the ocean, and myself. Those moments were often overshadowed by exhaustion. Offshore there was always another watch, another sail change, another race tactic to execute, another meal to cook. In port, the pace barely slowed – deep cleans, crew coordination, social events, preparing for the next race, and trying to reconnect with life back home. There simply wasn’t time or energy to process what was happening.

Every race felt relentless and things began feeling mundane or same-same. There was always another storm, another sail repair, another inside joke, another unforgettable sunset.

Extraordinary slowly became ordinary.

Somehow it felt like both too much to write about and not enough. It was simply too big to capture in real time.

I needed to live the experience fully before I could write about it. So here I am. The circumnavigation is complete. My bags are unpacked – or at least they’re getting there – and now it’s time to start unpacking the experience itself.

These stories are waiting to be told, and I’m finally ready to tell them.

Over the coming months, I’ll be unpacking the moments, lessons, mistakes, friendships, and adventures that shaped this circumnavigation – one story at a time.